Holidays

I will admit that I am not a big holiday person. Birthdays I love, but general holidays I could go either way on, that is until I became a mom. Noah LOVES holidays, not just the present ones, all of them. He gets so excited for the Fourth of July, Groundhog Day, Halloween, all of them. I love watching him get so excited. You can imagine his excitement about Christmas. Everytime he sees anything red or green at all he asks about Santa and the reindeer. We were listening to the radio and he heard that they will be playing Christmas music soon. He started screaming and singing! I love watching his eyes light up and teaching him new traditions. It is so much fun to see the world through a child's eyes, everything so new and exciting. Now if he would only stop asking when the Easter Bunny is coming!

Can you all take my picture?

This is what my 3 year old asks me on the way home from the pumpkin patch. "Can you and Daddy and Gigi all take my picture on Halloween because i'm so cute?" Well, at least I don't have to worry about a self-confidence problem ;)

Again...

I don't seem to be very good at this whole blogging thing. I love to read blogs and I love the idea of them, but never seem to find the time to write.
Yesterday was National Pregnancy and infant loss day. It is so wonderful to have such a day to be able to take time and remember all of our Angels that have left this world all too soon. It gave me a special day to think of the child that I lost in early pregnancy and know that others were praying for him too. I find that as my son gets older I think more and more about the baby that I lost. I wonder what he would have been like. I know that he is watching over us and his little brother and taking care of us.
I love you so much Angel Baby.

4 years

Four years ago today I found out that I had lost my baby. It was supposed to be a wonderful day - we were going to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. The nurse couldn't find a heartbeat and assured me it was fine. Then the doctor tried, still no luck. I was sent for an ultrasound and was told that my baby had died. I was only 12 weeks pregnant, but I already loved that child with my whole heart. For many months later I walked around in a fog. Wishing that everyone was wrong. That I would still have that baby that I wanted so much. At the time I couldn't imagine it ever getting easier, the pain ever ceasing to be in my every thought, my every breath. I still miss that tiny miracle. I never got to know if it was a boy or girl or even get to see it, but that didn't change my love. Four years later I can say it does get easier. It isn't a constant sadness. I still think of the baby often, wonder how he or she would have looked and what they would have liked to do, but it isn't a daily heartache like it once was.
I lost my baby just a few days before Mother's Day that year and I remember wondering if I was a real mom. The anwer is yes, I was and I would like to wish all moms - especially those who have faced a miscarriage and are wondering if they too are real moms - a Happy Mother's Day.

For Tricia

There has been a challenge on a blog that I read for all blogging mothers. Nathan has asked us to post all of the things you can't wait for Tricia to experience with Gwyneth. To get caught up and understand who Tricia, Nathan and Gwyneth are please visit Nathan's website! http://www.cfhusband.blogspot.com/

I can't wait for Tricia to:

• Give Gwyneth a bath and get soaking wet herself from all the splashing
• Stand with your husband watching your beautiful baby sleep and be so amazed that she is a part of the two of you.
• Put her to sleep for the millionth time just to have her get out of bed once again!
• Have the best day just playing in the dirt and enjoying the little things in life.
• See Gwyenth's face light up when she sees her walk into a room.
• Know that she makes a difference in Gwenth's life every day.
• Sing the same song over and over, even after Gwyenth falls asleep because you just can't get it out of your head!
• Cry tears of joy when her baby finally takes her first steps.
• Do normal, messy mommy things and enjoy every minute of it!

As a fellow preemie mom I know that we enjoy all the little moments and cherish them even more than other mom's because we feared that they day wouldn't come that we got to see them.

I am praying fot y'all every day!

March of Dimes

I do not know if I have any readers, but if I do I thought I would post this for you. March of Dimes has one major fundraiser each year. In the past it has been called "Walk America" this year it is renamed "March for babies." My family will be walking in honor of my son. Words cannot begin to describe how far he has come. I will never forget the moment that he was born. The doctor wrapped him up in a warm blanket and ran out with him to assess him and get him started on oxygen. It was then we knew that our little 2 pound miracle was a fighter. He stayed strong and never gave up his will to live. The NICU is a tough road for preemies and their parents. It is a terrifing place in which mothers do not get to hold their babies right after birth, sometimes not even for weeks and even then not without wires and IV's. Parent's doctors and nurses all make life or death decisions every hour, if not more often. It is the hope of March of Dimes that one day no parent or child will have to experience this, but will be born full-term and healthy. By donating to March of Dimes you will make a difference in a child's life. Just like those that donated before you made a difference in my son's.
Here is our website, any donation will help. Thank you!
http://www.marchforbabies.org/noah827

Babies

I want another baby. There I said it and boy did it feel good. I don't feel like I can say that in real life. People are always asking if I want another baby. I always say no and explain that DS was a preemie and I am not going through that or putting a baby through that again. I know people have done it sucussfully and I am so happy for them, but it's not a risk I am going to take. I always thought I would have three children. As DS gets older I look at pictures of him as a baby and think where did the time go? How did he just grow up before my eyes? And being a preemie I worried about EVERYTHING, did he eat enough, would he grow, would he walk. I would love to be able to have a baby and not worry so much. I find myself more and more asking to hold friends' babies and getting that dreaded baby fever. I love my son so much and he is such a blessing. I just don't feel like my family is complete yet.