My heart aches

Through my job I have come to know a wonderful family. They are truly inspirational - their love for each other and for God never ceases to amaze me. Their sweet daughter has been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease and now is in her final time here on earth. I cannot even imagine the pain that this poor family is going though. Watching their precious daughter and sister crumble before their eyes and now to be on the verge of losing her. Their love and compassion is so amazing as is their faith. I have a lot to learn from them and feel so blessed to be a witness to the strength and faith that they have. May God wrap his loving arms around them and offer them peace and comfort in this trying time. Rest sweet Emma, greater things lie ahead.

A whole year!

I can't believe it has been a whole year since I posted last!
A wonderful blog that I follow is having a giveaway for a really cool clock.
Follow the link to check it out

Holidays

I will admit that I am not a big holiday person. Birthdays I love, but general holidays I could go either way on, that is until I became a mom. Noah LOVES holidays, not just the present ones, all of them. He gets so excited for the Fourth of July, Groundhog Day, Halloween, all of them. I love watching him get so excited. You can imagine his excitement about Christmas. Everytime he sees anything red or green at all he asks about Santa and the reindeer. We were listening to the radio and he heard that they will be playing Christmas music soon. He started screaming and singing! I love watching his eyes light up and teaching him new traditions. It is so much fun to see the world through a child's eyes, everything so new and exciting. Now if he would only stop asking when the Easter Bunny is coming!

Can you all take my picture?

This is what my 3 year old asks me on the way home from the pumpkin patch. "Can you and Daddy and Gigi all take my picture on Halloween because i'm so cute?" Well, at least I don't have to worry about a self-confidence problem ;)

Again...

I don't seem to be very good at this whole blogging thing. I love to read blogs and I love the idea of them, but never seem to find the time to write.
Yesterday was National Pregnancy and infant loss day. It is so wonderful to have such a day to be able to take time and remember all of our Angels that have left this world all too soon. It gave me a special day to think of the child that I lost in early pregnancy and know that others were praying for him too. I find that as my son gets older I think more and more about the baby that I lost. I wonder what he would have been like. I know that he is watching over us and his little brother and taking care of us.
I love you so much Angel Baby.

4 years

Four years ago today I found out that I had lost my baby. It was supposed to be a wonderful day - we were going to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. The nurse couldn't find a heartbeat and assured me it was fine. Then the doctor tried, still no luck. I was sent for an ultrasound and was told that my baby had died. I was only 12 weeks pregnant, but I already loved that child with my whole heart. For many months later I walked around in a fog. Wishing that everyone was wrong. That I would still have that baby that I wanted so much. At the time I couldn't imagine it ever getting easier, the pain ever ceasing to be in my every thought, my every breath. I still miss that tiny miracle. I never got to know if it was a boy or girl or even get to see it, but that didn't change my love. Four years later I can say it does get easier. It isn't a constant sadness. I still think of the baby often, wonder how he or she would have looked and what they would have liked to do, but it isn't a daily heartache like it once was.
I lost my baby just a few days before Mother's Day that year and I remember wondering if I was a real mom. The anwer is yes, I was and I would like to wish all moms - especially those who have faced a miscarriage and are wondering if they too are real moms - a Happy Mother's Day.

For Tricia

There has been a challenge on a blog that I read for all blogging mothers. Nathan has asked us to post all of the things you can't wait for Tricia to experience with Gwyneth. To get caught up and understand who Tricia, Nathan and Gwyneth are please visit Nathan's website! http://www.cfhusband.blogspot.com/

I can't wait for Tricia to:

• Give Gwyneth a bath and get soaking wet herself from all the splashing
• Stand with your husband watching your beautiful baby sleep and be so amazed that she is a part of the two of you.
• Put her to sleep for the millionth time just to have her get out of bed once again!
• Have the best day just playing in the dirt and enjoying the little things in life.
• See Gwyenth's face light up when she sees her walk into a room.
• Know that she makes a difference in Gwenth's life every day.
• Sing the same song over and over, even after Gwyenth falls asleep because you just can't get it out of your head!
• Cry tears of joy when her baby finally takes her first steps.
• Do normal, messy mommy things and enjoy every minute of it!

As a fellow preemie mom I know that we enjoy all the little moments and cherish them even more than other mom's because we feared that they day wouldn't come that we got to see them.

I am praying fot y'all every day!